Fact Feel Want

Here's a little technique for assertive behaviour, courtesy of the free NHS course "Effective Communication" (though they accept no responsibility for the example that follows)

1) First state a fact (not opinion), e.g. "you're hot" (ok maybe that's an opinion, but saying 8 out of 10 men would cut off their right arm to sit next to you on a bus, would require dubious research)
2) Then state what you feel: "i feel giddy looking at you"
3) Then what you want: "how about a quickie in the closet?" (yes i know, points 2 & 3 are mis-matched, but you get the idea)

Of course you can also use this technique to help resolve day-to-day disputes, example: (NHS will like this one)
1) State fact e.g. "I did all the washing up this week, even though half the dirty dishes are yours"
2) Say what you feel e.g. "I feel used"  (own this feeling... use "I", not "you make me feel..")
3) Then what you want e.g. "Can you do the washing up tomorrow?"

Feel free to share your examples.

Money can't buy you love

Or can it? Anyway, in the case of the NHS it's free and one of it's forms is courses on topics such as Stress Management or Effective Communication.

This blog is to help me get more from them, and in case anyone else is interested go to your GP and ask, or just turn up... I can't imagine they send people away from the Self Esteem course for example, "you didn't register, go away you worthless scum"

Effective Communication, Week 2: Communication spoilers

You've all heard them. Quickest way to kill a conversation:

• Unwanted advice
• Judgements (often disguised as advice)
• Dismissing
• Hijacking

I often feel the object of these spoilers, but I must be guilty too. Sometimes in a conversation I feel I can't listen any more so I'll hijack the conversation a sort of "it's my turn now". A childish response, but common especially in families. Other times I don't have the energy to really listen so I give advice to try to "fix the problem" and thereby put it to an end. Not so helpful either.

Stress & Mood Management, Week 3: Rules for living

"I must do everything well or people will hate me"

They did this clever cost-benefit thing in the course but i may skip this now and just say that I want to break this rule by just letting this blog go without too much thought (ok this is a lie, i ended up editing this one). They encouraged re-wording such destructive rules to make them more realistic

e.g. "I enjoy doing things well, but sometimes it's better to get something done than not do it at all."

Click here for Flipcharts from the course.