1. What gives your life purpose?
Jesus, if i had a fucking purpose I wouldn't be in counselling.
Maybe Jesus gives me purpose, when i pray.
2. What is your earliest memory?
A crease in a smiley paper sun i was making at school.
Also doing a poo in my pants, i think.
3. What are you passionate about?
Women. Creativity. Freedom to be creative.
4. Do you always tell the truth?
I try never to lie, is that the same thing?
5. What has been the lowest point in your life?
Boarding school i think. Ten years of imprisonment for crimes I didn't commit. Mind you, all of childhood is a form of imprisonment.
And come to think of it, now is as shit as ever.
6. What keeps you awake at night?
I rarely have trouble sleeping, unless i'm very excited about something, an idea for example, or very worried about something the next day.
7. What makes you angry?
Fuckwits. Fucking geeks fucking wanting to take control of your pc with their fucking automatic fucking updates. Fuck off geeks we dont want you. Anything that takes control away from me. Myself, when I fail to be assertive, which is a lot of the time.
8. Which person has been the greatest influence on your life?
God, who? I can't think of anyone. My mother i suppose.
9. How do you keep yourself grounded?
I don't, I float off constantly. Sometimes a woman comes along and has a go. I just scream.
10. What are you reading for pleasure right now?
Sadly nothing. Well i recently started one of Ian Flemmings James Bond books, as i had read one and enjoyed it. Must dig it up again.
11. Do you fear dying?
No, but I fear never living (which is maybe the same thing). And since really living probably means instant death (statistically speaking, since homo sapiens is approx 1:500 overpopulating this planet in terms of sustainable occupation). I have tremendous respect for those who sacrifice themselves, be it a soldier on the front line, or just someone who's had enough and topped themselves. It's all the same, we all benefit from the dead, their energy is re-distributed and they no longer make any demands. Thats love for you. Can i do the same? I wish, but i'm a selfish little child. However i am commited to trying. Even if it means dying.
12. What would you have written on your tombstone?
Fucking hell what a stupid question. i would have this question written on my tombstone. That would spin a few heads.
13. What do you feel guilty about?
Easy. Being alive. Something more specific? Nope, cant think of any.
14. What makes you laugh?
Laugh? me? I-m a miserable bastard. I suppose comics who are themselves miserable bastards. Jimmy Carr. Black Adder.
My mate Yaz, he's funny (and definitely not a miserable bastard)
15. How do you relax?
Relax? What's that? I find a woman and get her to scratch my head.
I occasionally manage to do something pointless. e.g. Conversation. Fiction. Music. Dance. Sport. I also like to take walks and long showers.
16. Where would you like your next holiday to be and why?
The idea of a holiday is stupid. You only need a holiday if you don-t enjoy what you do, or if you do but are doing it too much, pressuring yourself.
That said, i'd love to go on a beach holiday right now.
17. If you could change anything about society, what would it be?
Oh god, how dull. Politicians, have them wired to lie detectors permanently.
18. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Perfect happiness is simply doing what you enjoy. Sadly there isn't room for 7 billion people to do this.
(Fuck i just seen on my phone calendar that i dont have a counselling appointment today as its half term)
Happiness is relief. Doing a shit. Not having to face the truth in a counselling appointment.
I enjoy making shit. That's it. Or inventing shit. Or just seeing what happens if... like a little boy experimenting.
For example a filling fell out of my tooth last night. I would enjoy seeing what happens if i just plug it with some rapidset cement based adhesive. Just for the hell of it. I fixed my own in-growing toenail once, why not tooth? Thank God for the NHS though. Sorry Doc, it was a DIY job.
19. Do you believe in God?
Another goodie. Yes I do, when I do. And I don't when I don't. I believe he comes into existence when you believe. That is the power of faith. Hell is eternal separation from God, or simply not believing. So let's not beat around the bush. God exists to me. but just to labour the relativist point, this is backed up by science, by quantum theory. Schroedinger's cat is both dead and alive. Until you open the box both are true. If you open the box and the cat is dead, you can't go "see, i told you he was dead" because in another world, a world in which you have faith, the cat is alive. This is all backed up by flawless mathematics. Genius, and i have no idea why it's not taught in schools. Maybe it's too powerful, or mind-boggling.
20. What is your most treasured possession?
God, i don't know. Seems that many of the answers to these questions are Jesus or God. You'd think i was a raving Christian. Fucking hell. Can Christians fuck hell? Sure they can, they chew it for lunch and shit it out by teatime. Anyway you can't possess God, God possesses us.
If he doesn't we say that we are "possessed" which just means , i dunno, we are shadows of other people i suppose.
So back to the question. My most treasured possession. I hate possessions. I want nothing. I have an aversion to stuff. Ok my mind. That's it. I value my mind, though it feels cursed sometimes, it is my most valuable possession. It makes me money, it fixes problems, but it also created problems and consumes money in trying to stay in control. Still, i have to love it. It's part of me, and i can hardly disown it. Not without surgury or some heavy drugs, in which case i may as well just top myself.
21. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Nope, im lost here.
A great achievement would be to give away as much as i get, and not wait until i feel "i have enough" Just have faith that God will provide.
